I’m worn thin. There are so many things I should be doing right now, and I managed one chore this morning, but can’t seem to muster the enthusiasm for another just yet. I keep telling myself I shouldn’t stress, I need to stop dwelling on things I cannot change, but it’s not helping.
I’m trying not to complain to my partner, who is supporting me all the way, because it’s not fair to him to have a wet rag crying on his shoulder. Especially when he can’t do anything to help, which just frustrates him.
Here’s the point when I should either come up with some bright, cheerful thought to motivate you all into writing, or being creative, or just keeping on going, but the truth is, the only thing I can muster today is putting one foot in front of the other. Quitting isn’t an option. Most days, I can clearly visualise my goals, what waits for me on the other side of this slog, but others, like today, it’s foggy up ahead. I just have to put my head down and walk on.
I once had to explain triage to a small group of (theoretically) educated people. That’s where I’m at right now. School comes first, it’s got the most chance of being useful in the future. Can’t give up school… which means classes, and homework, and trying to focus and remember everything I’m supposed to know already and what I’ve just studied for some exam…
Work comes next. Have to keep money coming in, what with the car being broken and bills to pay and kids to take care of. Need to spend more time on that, as I have a website in serious need of repair.
Around this part is where I try to make time for my dear man, and my kids. Their schedules are almost as bad as mine, so making sure I talk to them about books has become our touchstone. I love that they read, and they seem to enjoy talking to me about their books, and interests, and hopefully that continues.
And at the moment, writing falls somewhere down here, along with housecleaning and other chores. I just can’t… I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and lie there thinking about a story, but lack the energy to get up and write.
I am just tired. I’ll get some rest, and the weather will warm up, and I’ll feel better. In the meantime, one foot in front of the other.