inspirational

Exhaustion

I’m worn thin. There are so many things I should be doing right now, and I managed one chore this morning, but can’t seem to muster the enthusiasm for another just yet. I keep telling myself I shouldn’t stress, I need to stop dwelling on things I cannot change, but it’s not helping.

I’m trying not to complain to my partner, who is supporting me all the way, because it’s not fair to him to have a wet rag crying on his shoulder. Especially when he can’t do anything to help, which just frustrates him.

Here’s the point when I should either come up with some bright, cheerful thought to motivate you all into writing, or being creative, or just keeping on going, but the truth is, the only thing I can muster today is putting one foot in front of the other. Quitting isn’t an option. Most days, I can clearly visualise my goals, what waits for me on the other side of this slog, but others, like today, it’s foggy up ahead. I just have to put my head down and walk on.

I once had to explain triage to a small group of (theoretically) educated people. That’s where I’m at right now. School comes first, it’s got the most chance of being useful in the future. Can’t give up school… which means classes, and homework, and trying to focus and remember everything I’m supposed to know already and what I’ve just studied for some exam…

Work comes next. Have to keep money coming in, what with the car being broken and bills to pay and kids to take care of. Need to spend more time on that, as I have a website in serious need of repair.

Around this part is where I try to make time for my dear man, and my kids. Their schedules are almost as bad as mine, so making sure I talk to them about books has become our touchstone. I love that they read, and they seem to enjoy talking to me about their books, and interests, and hopefully that continues.

And at the moment, writing falls somewhere down here, along with housecleaning and other chores. I just can’t… I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and lie there thinking about a story, but lack the energy to get up and write.

I am just tired. I’ll get some rest, and the weather will warm up, and I’ll feel better. In the meantime, one foot in front of the other.

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8 thoughts on “Exhaustion

  1. I’ve been there, too — too many things to do, not enough energy or time to get it all done. I am amazed at how much you actually DO get done! I have had to cut back, and things still start creeping back in and filling up my days again. Things that do help me are mostly health related — making sure I take the supplements that I’ve found really do help, and eating right (lots of veggies, plenty of protein, no sugar or grains). And make sure you schedule rest time in there — a few hours once a week to take a break and think about other things.

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  2. College take a lot of time and energy, and especially mental endurance. When I graduated and started working I felt free and light. All evening long without a single bit of homework! I hadn’t realized how much it took out of me.

    Don’t try to play superwoman and burn out. Prioritize, and don’t set unrealistic goals for the writing, right now.

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    • Oh, life without homework… Actually, I wonder sometimes how I will cope, after (by then) fifteen years of running a business from home. The idea of coming home at the end of the day with nothing to do is a bit… scary. 🙂

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  3. I’m with everyone here, Cedar. Sometimes the best thing you can do is rest as much as you can; if you have to put your writing aside for a day, two, three, or even ten, then you should do that.

    And if you need a guest blogger to fill in so you can take the time to rest, there probably would be a number of people stepping forward to help you out (myself included).

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    • I haven’t written since the first week of school, so it’s been a month. Which may not seem like much, in the scope of things, but after last year being so productive I’m a bit frustrated.

      The blog is, usually, a good thing. I may yet take you up on the guest offer ,but don’t know when.

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      • I had this happen to me, too, Cedar — in graduate school — and I was just as frustrated as you. (The not being able to write thing more than the exhaustion thing, but I sympathize with both.)

        Here’s what is _probably_ going on (I say “probably” because every person is different and I don’t want to over-generalize): You are tired. The ideas are there, still. But the energy to write them down just isn’t. So your brain won’t let you do anything, or not very much, and you stay frustrated.

        What I did to get around this, at least in part, was to write down prose notes when I had anything at all. My hands have been bad for years, so I type better than I write (and by a lot), so I typed these notes out. But if you’d rather, you can write them (Michael used to do this, and _then_ he’d type them out, and sometimes that way the story would allow itself to be written or he’d at least get a better idea of what was going on) down in a notebook or in a phone, even . . . whatever works.

        Sometimes if you do that, your mind will relax a little and you won’t feel as frustrated.

        I wish you well with it, and I hope these strategies might help . . . but even if they don’t, you’re a writer and will *always* be one, even if the words aren’t flowing right now. (Michael used to tell me this, and it’s the truth. Though more often, he said this to me about music and being a musician; either way, the advice works.)

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