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Malapropisms

Johann, who is curled up under a blanket on the couch watching Blues Clues, has been a riot this morning. He wanted me to microwave his grapes. “They’re cold, Mama! I want to make them warm!”

Well, I’m not sure what would happen if you microwaved a grape but I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be good. We compromised on hot chocolate now and grapes later. It isn’t all that chilly this morning, only 53* outside, but he hasn’t gotten dressed yet. Potty training and naked boy seem to go hand in hand. We try, but yesterday, he went through 5 sets of clothes for various reasons, mostly that he takes off his clothes to go potty, and then puts them in the laundry. Go figure. 
We were in the bathroom earlier, and he was trying to pull a piece of molding off the corner by the tub. When I got upset and asked him why he would try to destroy the wall, he looked up at me and said “the crabs hide in there!” Now, he calls spiders crabs. We aren’t quite sure why, but it is very funny. I told him they were hiding from him, like the dog does sometimes, and to leave them alone. 
He and the dog really get on quite well, considering that Johann loves to hug him and love on him, and the highlight of his day is to be allowed to give Thaddeus his treat. He takes the treat and runs up and down the house with it, dog bouncing along after him, Johann shouting in glee and Thad barking excitedly. It gets a bit loud, sometimes!
His other malaprop that has been cracking Phil and I up is saying “How?” when he means why. So a conversation could go like this:
“Johann, time for bed.”
“How?”
Chuckling, the parent will say “go climb in your bed and lie down.”
“How!?” with great emphasis.
“You mean why, kiddo. Because it’s that time.”
“How?”
And so on. He is such a little wiggle bug – always in motion. And he misses his sisters when they are at school. He loves to walk them out to the bus, and to be waiting to play with them when they get home. Pippa spent a half day at home the other morning and he was so happy he had her to play with. He doesn’t do as well on his own as the girls did at this age. He has decided, though, that he is going to college and becoming a fi’fiter. 
The college thing has become a big deal around here. He talks about it all the time. He wants to take Thaddeus to college with him, and Nana and Bopop. It took us a while to realize that when he says college he means kindergarten. I think he got the word from Blues Clues, were Steve went off to college and his brother Joe moved in to take care of Blue. It will be two years before he goes to kindergarten, and I am thinking about getting him in preschool for a day or two a week. We could probably arrange a trade-out with a local school that has Mr. Phil in about 6 times a year. 
Well, I need to get my morning going again. The little man is still on the couch, but getting wiggly again. He won’t stay there much longer. The big man is sleeping, trying to recover from a nasty head cold. We’re all suffering from that one in one way or another. 
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One thought on “Malapropisms

  1. Juniper still talks about college, though not as often as she used to. Right now she’s wearing three bracelets and two necklaces (all home-made) — earlier she had five necklaces on! One of them has little bells on it, so we just sang ‘Jingle Bells’ — she laughed. She’s so much happier now that she’s feeling better (taking the medication for lupus). I have to keep her indoors most of the time, as she now gets a bad rash if she’s out in the sun more than a few minutes. She looked at the new pictures with me, and asked about the girls. Says she remembers the creek, too!Tell the girls ‘hi’ for me, please!Love, Mom

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